How to Deal with a Deadline

1.) Lots and lots of sugar. Sugar is your friend.

2.) Ample quantities of Coke and Doritos.

3.) Freak out and yell at the top of your lungs when the APC UPS finally decides to die, and you have to go buy a new one, despite trying to save for a house/wedding/honeymoon/retirement.

4.) While waiting for the new UPS to charge fully (So says the owners manual: “ATTENTION: DO NOT USE UPS UNTIL FULLY CHARGED. CHARGE TIME: 8 HOURS”) Go to QDoba and eat until you think you’ve damaged your jejunum. Or maybe your duodenum.

5.) Get home and confirm you have indeed hurt your intestines, but it was actually your cecum.

6.) Watch (at a minimum) one hour of reality TV. It will help you to realize that you are smarter than average middle America. Suddenly the deadline will seem much easier to meet.

7.) Get back to work. Seriously. Why have you been dicking around for so long? Just do it.

8.) Repeat items 1,2 and 6, and especially 7 as needed.

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